A Soft Heart Behind Cold Walls

My Dear Stranger,

There is something I have never known how to explain to other people.

Something about me,

Something that weighted me, confused me.

I carry a heart that feels too much,

soft, sensitive, easily moved.

But I hide it behind walls so cold and strong,

that even I forget what it feels like to be touched.

My Dear Stranger,

I don’t let my feelings out.

I don’t let anyone in.

Not because I don’t want to,

but because I’m scared of what might happen if I do.

Sometimes I wish someone would come closer,

look at me,

try to understand things that I cannot say.

And yet, when someone does,

I panic.

I step back.

I freeze.

I choose silence.

The feelings are confusing.

There's a strange pull inside me,

wanting to be found,

wanting to be searched for,

wanting to be seen.

while at the same time wishing to be left alone.

My Dear Stranger,

I ask myself every day,

Do I want to be held, or do I just want to stay unseen?

Do I want love, or am I only afraid of losing myself in it?

I’m confused about my own heart.

It whispers, come closer,

then screams, run.

So I stand here,

behind my walls,

pretending to be strong,

pretending to be cold,

while inside I’m just a frightened soul,

trying to protect something fragile.

My Dear Stranger,

If I ever seem distant to you,

please understand,

it’s not because I don’t feel.

It’s because I feel too deeply,

and I don’t yet know

how to let that be safe.

Maybe one day

I’ll learn how to open the door without breaking myself.

But until then,

this is me,

this is who I am.

Caught between longing and fear,

between wanting to be touched

and being too afraid

to reach back.

Your stranger,

Vie