“Unwanted Feelings, Unspoken Longing”

My Dear Stranger,

Feelings scare me.

They arrived uninvited, like shadows at the edge of my heart; 

pulling me into places I promised myself never to return.

They messed me up.

They distract me from the calm I've worked so hard to build.

They are a distraction.

They blur the lines I've drawn;

They break the walls I've built.

They make me weak and exposed.

They make me vulnerable in ways I swore I would never be again.

Even the tiniest spark of emotion already felt too much.

a fleeting warmth,

a sudden tenderness,

an innocent accidental touch,

It's enough to sound the alarms inside me.

It triggers me.

It shakes me.

It feels like danger.

My heart pounds with joy but with warning;

       as if whispering, 

       "Don't go there....

       "Don't feel this...Run, save your self.

So I shut it down.

I don't let anyone in.

I refuse to. I lock the doors.

I tell myself I cannot. I will never let anyone in, ever.

Because I know myself too well.

Once I let feelings in,

slip through the cracks.

they will hold the power to unravel me completely.

I'll lose my cool. I won't be in control anymore.

And that thought alone already terrifies me

And yet...

Here I am, quietly fighting something I can't name.

This strange warmth that grows whenever you're near.

I can't stop thinking of you.

I try to silence it, bury it, kill it before it blooms.

But how do I destroy a feeling that was never meant to exist,

yet somehow feels alive inside me?

My Dear Stranger,

I keep telling myself not to feel.

But I do. I feel everything.

And no matter how hard I try,

I can’t kill this feeling that keeps growing for you.

The more I see you, the more I lose myself in you.

The more I try to stay distant,

the more I crave your nearness—your warmth, your touch, your quiet affection.

And yes;

it’s so damn scary...because I never meant to fall—but somehow, I already am.

Your stranger,

Vie