Will you love me?

Vie
6 days ago
2 min read

I don’t really know how to start this,

So I’ll just be honest.

There is a part of me that really wants to be close to you.

To be seen. To be loved.

To be understood without having to explain too much.

But there is also a bigger part of me that is terrified.

I have a soft heart. Too soft, I think.

And because of that, I built cold walls around it,

not to keep love away,

But to keep myself from breaking again.

Sometimes I wish you would come looking for me.

That you would notice the silence,

the distance,

The way I pull back even when I care.

And yet, when I feel you getting closer, I panic.

I don’t know how to stay.

I don’t know how to open my heart.

without fearing I’ll lose everything I’ve managed to hold together.

I’m caught in this constant push and pull.

Endless contradiction.

I want to be found,

But I’m scared of being touched.

I want you near,

but I don’t know how to let you in.

It’s so confusing.

Some days I tell myself to stay quiet, to stay hidden,

because it feels safer that way.

Other days, my heart aches,

wondering what it would feel like to finally stop running.

If I seem distant,

Please know it’s not because I don’t feel anything.

It’s because I feel too much,

And I don’t trust myself to survive another loss.

I am not cold.

I am not as strong the way I pretend to be.

I am just scared—scared of loving, scared of needing, scared of letting you see how fragile I really am.

So if you ever feel me pulling away

right after wanting you close,

That’s the contradiction I live with every day.

I hope one day

I’ll be brave enough to let you stay without building walls between us.

But until then, this is all I can give,

My honesty,

My confusion,

and a heart that wants you,

but doesn’t yet know how to reach for you.

I want you. I really do.

And that truth scares me more than anything else.

If one day I finally decide to open my heart,

not just a little, not halfway, but fully,

with all its softness, its fears, its unhealed parts,

Will you keep it?

not try to fix it,

not test its strength,

but keep it gently,

as something precious,

as something alive.